"Yours are the only emails I actually open and read" - a regular reply in my inbox since 2009...and I'll bet in yours, too, once you subscribe and learn by pure, lazy osmosis to become the most compelling writer around. That said, no promises on improving your moral character.
Results are in — I’m a freak
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Reader! I just asked Claude to put on his/their (haven’t asked pronouns) Claudette hat and tell me what common blocks women have around making money. The answer made me realize I’m a FREAK. (Or a man.) My notes below will show you why: They feel like they have to earn the right to charge. More credentials, more experience, more proof — as if men are out there waiting until they're fully ready before they name a price. Maybe it’s because my parents paid me starting when I was twelve (and vastly underqualified) to babysit my own sister, but I’ve never been shy to name my price. Or, to ask for a raise. They tie their worth to the work itself. If the work doesn't feel hard enough, or if it comes naturally to them, they discount it. The easier something is for them to do, the less they feel entitled to charge — which is basically penalizing themselves for being good at things. I’ve never tied my worth to how hard I work. In fact, I’m ashamed when I push too hard. I feel like I’m betraying my own top value: laziness. Visibility feels dangerous. Making money often means being seen — promoting yourself, saying "I'm the person for this." A lot of women were socialized to find that deeply uncomfortable. Self-promotion still reads as bragging in a way it doesn't for men. You know what I hate? The term “shameless self-promotion.” It implies self-promotion is supposed to be shameful. In fact, I believe the only shame is in staying hidden. It’s a disservice to everyone who needs to discover you. SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! They're afraid of outearning the people around them. Partners, friends, family. There's guilt and anxiety about disrupting the social ecosystem by becoming "too successful." F that. I’m competitive. I’m way more anxious about friends outearning me. (Not necessarily healthy, but way more motivating.) No such thing as “too successful” in my ecosystem. They conflate helping with giving it away. Especially in service-oriented work — coaching, teaching, healing — there's a story that charging full price somehow corrupts the mission. Yeesh. My GP sure doesn’t offer a discount for her services. (In fact, on top of any visits, I pay a monthly fee for a “membership” to the practice.) Why should I? They wait to be chosen instead of choosing themselves. Pitching, raising rates, asking for the sale — all of these require a kind of self-appointment that a lot of women find almost physically uncomfortable. I choose ME…to sell to YOU. See how easy that was? And the only thing physically uncomfortable right now is my butt. Been sitting too long. The only time to balk at asking for the sale is when you’re selling something to someone who doesn’t want or need it. They're quicker to hand money over than to receive it. Spending feels easier and less fraught than being paid. Receiving — really letting it land — is its own practice. Yoo-hoo! Accounts receivable, right here! Pony up. Fork it over. Direct deposit preferred. In fact, my only behavior that you might read as having trouble receiving is in the past, during my TV days, when I got reprimanded (and then let go) for never handing in my freelancer invoices. It was the 90s. I hate paperwork, and we didn’t have Docusign. They price by what feels "fair" instead of what the market will bear. There's a deep discomfort with profiting too much, like there's a ceiling above which you're officially a greedy person. Years back, a male colleague tried to hire me for a freelance project, and when I quoted my rate over the phone, I heard a long silence. Then: “Wow! That’s more than I get paid.” He found the funds and brought me in anyway. Later, another client dubbed me, “expensive but worth it dot com.” One bigwig in the online space invited me to be the copy coach for his mastermind group in return for free membership. I told him my rate. He wrote back, “LOL, I love that you charge your worth. I can’t afford it, though.” Oop. Sounds like someone’s got a money block! Regardless of gender, if you identify with any of these money issues, I know just the gal to help. And if your hangup is less about receiving money than about keeping and growing it, I’ve got a gal for that — the same one! Your gal is the brilliant, captivating Kate Northrup. Her live, 3-day workshop Good With Money happens once a year, changes lives, and starts tomorrow. And you’re invited. xoLaura PS - I’m an affiliate for Kate’s program Relaxed Money, which she’ll offer at the end of the workshop. If you do, I receive thank-you money — which, as we’ve established, I’m very comfortable with! Psst! Since you're signed up to get my emails on a weekly basis, here's what you missed this week!
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Thank you for reading and sharing, |
Laura Belgray (Talking Shrimp)
"Yours are the only emails I actually open and read" - a regular reply in my inbox since 2009...and I'll bet in yours, too, once you subscribe and learn by pure, lazy osmosis to become the most compelling writer around. That said, no promises on improving your moral character.
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