Hey Reader,

Our first time at an Anguilla restaurant we’ll call Pepper, the maître d’ asked me and Steven if we were celebrating any special occasion. We looked at each other and shrugged. “No, just vacation,” we answered.

During dinner, a group of servers brought a big slab of red velvet cake with a flamboyant sparkler to a nearby table — a woman sitting alone. They sang Stevie Wonder’s Happy Birthday, guests at other tables clapping along.

How sweet, I thought. They must have decided to help her celebrate her birthday because she’s dining solo.

A few minutes later, another piece of cake with a sparkler went to a couple. “Happy Anniversary,” the server said, putting it between them.

“Damn, that cake looks good,” I told Steven. “I’m getting that.”

Then another red velvet cake birthday procession.
And another.
And another anniversary.

Throughout our salad, ceviche, and ribeye, we probably saw ten red velvet cake orders with sparklers delivered around the room.

When the server asked if we’d like to see dessert menus, I said, "Sure, we’ll look. But I already know I want that red velvet cake.”

“Oh,” he apologized, “That’s not on the menu. It’s only available for special occasions.”

"We can’t order it off-menu?"

"No, unfortunately not."

"Well, in that case," I told him, "It’s our anniversary. Sorry, I should’ve mentioned it at the front. Just didn’t want a fuss.”

Steven rolled his eyes. 🙄

As our anniversary cake approached the table, sparks flying, he said, “I’m gonna kill you,” through a big, fake grin.

“Happy Anniversary, Boo,” I said back, diving in with my fork.

F*ck, it was good. Really, a perfect red velvet cake.

I’ve now been back three times, and said “Yes” every time when asked if it’s a special occasion.

I even told them we were celebrating not one, but two birthdays in our party last week when I brought my mom, sis, and 12-year-old niece.

My niece wasn’t happy about it. “I don’t want them singing. Why does it have to be my birthday?”

Hers and my sister’s are coming up in April. Easiest semi-truth to remember.

I requested no singing and reassured my niece they wouldn’t when we heard the chorus of "Happy Birthday-ay to ya…” from a parade of servers headed for another table.

“This better be the best red velvet cake we ever had,” my sister said. “You’re kind of obsessed.”

Correct.

Later, taking it down faster than she normally eats anything, she said, “OK, you were right.”

Now, whenever I see a piece en route to another table, I suspect they’re gaming the system with a fake celebration.

Takes one to know one!

Steven has worked in the restaurant business for 40 years. I asked him why they wouldn’t simply put red velvet cake on the Pepper menu. That way, they wouldn’t have so many grifters like me conning them into free dessert in order to get a piece.

He guessed that it doesn’t fit the dessert program, which is more “elevated tropical.” (Passionfruit Profiterole, Vegan Coconut Mango Panna Cotta, etc.)

But also, I wondered aloud, maybe they know everyone’s bullshitting about their celebrations?

“Oh, for sure,” he said. “That’s definitely part of it. They know.”

The cake doesn’t cost them much, even if they’re also losing out on a paid dessert order. The check average, which is a pretty penny, probably more than makes up for it.

So, maybe that becomes part of the attraction of booking a table there — not so much “getting one over” on the restaurant, but more scoring something that's not available any other way.

It’s why, when someone finds a loophole to purchase an offer that’s no longer on the table, like my Everything Bundle, I don’t protest and make sure it’s sealed shut. I know the thrill of scoring something that’s officially off-limits, and am happy for anyone who gets it from me, even if I’ve priced it way too low.

If you find the link for my Everything Bundle in this email and grab it, I’m not going to stop you.

But you’d better request no singing. You’ve been warned.

xoLaura

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